Monthly Meme Re-Hash: August 2015

I think once a month, I’m going to dig around in my old Livejournal account to find one of the stupid “memes” that was going around and re-do it here, ten years later.

Here’s my answers in 2005

1. My uncle: died from liver failure after drinking himself to death.
2. Never in my life: have I flashed a 5.11 route (but I will! oh yes, I will!).
3. When I was five: I was living in Berlin, about half a mile from the Wall.
4. High School was: boring as fuck.
5. I will never forget: the sound of AK-47s.
6. I once met: Lance Armstrong. Also, the barber who cut Elvis’s hair at boot camp.
7. There’s this girl I know who: has a tattoo of a mouse pushing a lawnmower, paired with a bare line shaved through her pubes.
8. Once, at a bar: I named my business “Fontosaurus”, based on some drunken inspiration.
9. By noon I’m usually: burned out and ready to go home.
10. Last night:
11. If I only had: done things right.
12. Next time I go to church: will probably be a cold day in hell.
13. Terry Schiavo: probably isn’t very good in the sack.
14. What worries me most: is never realizing my dreams.
15. When I turn my head left, I see: a disco ball, and my old unit patch from my time at Ft. Bragg.
16. When I turn my head right, I see: a phone list I no longer need and a box of my business cards.
17. You know I’m lying when: I am smirking during a poker game.
18. What I miss most about the eighties: punk rock.
19. If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be: someone funny who dies tragically. Falstaff, perhaps?
20. By this time next year: who knows?
21. This entry is missing because: someone deleted it.
22. I have a hard time understanding: racism. Sexism. Most -isms, actually.
23. If I ever go back to school I’ll: have won the lottery and be doing it to fill the days with something useful.
24. You know I like you if: I don’t kill you?
25. If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: dependent upon what the award is for.
26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens, & Geraldine Ferraro: what about them?
27. Take my advice, never: drink an entire fifth of vodka in 55 minutes on an empty stomach when you’re 19 and in the Army. Bad stuff.
28. My ideal breakfast is: Mountain Dew.
29. A song I love, but do not have: shit, have I mentioned how much music I have in the iPod? 6223 songs (11 gigs free yet) — you think there’s actually something I don’t have that I like? I mean, I’d like the new Audioslave and Foo Fighters albums, but they’re not out yet.
30. If you visit my hometown, I’d suggest: you bring a heavy coat. Or mosquito repellent. Depending on the time of year.
31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips, and track stars: With magic markers running out of their ink / Lives and White Out, turn the lights out / Fax machine anthems, get your damned hands up
32. Why won’t anyone: just give me the winning lottery numbers for tonight?
33. If you spend the night at my house: be prepared to get nekkid/don’t be allergic to cats
34. I’d stop my marriage for: a broken heart.
35. The world could do without: George W. Bush.
36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: go down on a woman whose box smells like raw hot dogs. (Usually once you’re south of the navel, you’ll know.)
37. My favorite blonde is: Jenna Jameson.
38. Paperclips are more useful than: toy plastic ninjas. (First thing I saw in my cubicle.)
39. If I do anything well it’s: chowing box.
40. And by the way: fuck you.
41. The last time I was drunk, I: was really drunk. And I laughed a lot. There are pictures.

Answers in 2015

1. My uncle: died from liver failure after drinking himself to death.
2. Never in my life: have I driven while intoxicated.
3. When I was five: I was living in Berlin, about half a mile from the Wall.
4. High School was: boring as fuck.
5. I will never forget: holding Eddy for the first time.
6. I once met: a bunch of celebrities (including A-listers). But the coolest was the barber who cut Elvis’s hair at boot camp (and got a haircut from him).
7. There’s this girl I know who: sang “Ice Ice Baby” over “Under Pressure” and thought she wasn’t going to get shoved out of the car.
8. Once, at a bar: I made some questionable choices that later turned into great stories. See also: college.
9. By noon I’m usually: stressed out and exhausted.
10. Last night: she said, oh baby I feel so down, oh it turns me off, when I feel left out.
11. If I only had: listened to the voice in my head.
12. Next time I go to church: will probably be a cold day in hell.
13. Terry Schiavo: probably isn’t very good in the sack.
14. What worries me most: is my tendency to sacrifice my own happiness to make others happy. (Conflict avoidance! Working on it in therapy!)
15. When I turn my head left, I see: my desk Lego, a stack of folders, and a piece of coffee cake that needs to be taught a lesson.
16. When I turn my head right, I see: both my laptops, a phone, and a desk that needs to be scrubbed.
17. You know I’m lying when: I am smirking during a poker game.
18. What I miss most about the eighties: really fucking good pop music.
19. If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be: someone funny who dies tragically. Falstaff, perhaps?
20. By this time next year: well down the road to healed.
21. This entry is missing because: someone deleted it.
22. I have a hard time understanding: racism. Sexism. Most -isms, actually.
23. If I ever go back to school I’ll: probably snag an A.A.S. in Machining Technology, and then get an MBA.
24. You know I like you if: I tell you. I wear my heart on my sleeve.
25. If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: dependent upon what the award is for.
26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens, & Geraldine Ferraro: I still don’t understand this, ten years later.
27. Take my advice, never: avoid conflict to improve a relationship in the short-term.
28. My ideal breakfast is: Mountain Dew and Adderall.
29. A song I love, but do not have: I don’t think there is one. I like song, I buy song. Wash, rinse, repeat.
30. If you visit my hometown, I’d suggest: you bring a heavy coat. Or mosquito repellent. Depending on the time of year.
31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips, and track stars: I don’t listen to Beck as much as I used to.
32. Why won’t anyone: just fucking find a cure for cancer already?
33. If you spend the night at my house: bring earplugs; the youngest still doesn’t sleep through the night.
34. I’d stop my marriage for: a broken heart.
35. The world could do without: the Tea Party.
36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: yeah, pretty much same answer as 2005.
37. My favorite blonde is: Scarlett Johansson.
38. Paperclips are more useful than: other…stuff…?
39. If I do anything well it’s: getting in my own way. But I’m working on that.
40. And by the way: fuck you. Still.
41. The last time I was drunk, I: was drinking margaritas on a Ferris Wheel.