Five Embarrassing Things That Happened to Me Before the Advent of Cameraphones and YouTube

1. That time when I accidentally superglued my butt to the top of my desk.

2. That time when I had to go so so bad that I took a dump out of the back of a deuce-and-a-half while stuck in a traffic jam in Seoul.1

3. The night that I was so drunk that I was basically yelling the theme song to “Mission Impossible” and diving behind stuff and into things…like trashcans.

4. My 20’s.

5. The 1980’s.2

1. I just realized how funny it is to refer to the truck as a “deuce and a half” — especially considering that after two weeks of MREs, the resulting log was the size of a baby’s arm.
2. I can’t believe that actually happened.

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