Five Weird Things About Me

1. I have a Pavlovian response to the word “lemonade.”
If I hear the word, read it, or even think it, my mouth starts watering. This is awesome when I’m hungover and have horrible cottom-mouth. Just think “lemonade!” and woosh!–problem solved!
2. Since the age of eight, I have had this weird tendency to look a streetlights just a the moment they shut off.
I know it’s just a coincidence, but man, as a kid, I thought I had the lamest superpower ever.
3. My voice doesn’t match my body.
I’m a tall, lanky whiteboy with Barry White’s voice.
4. My Date(); function is all screwy.
I can remember dates like there’s no tomorrow. Dates that Kate and I moved in together, date we were discharged from the NICU, my first day in the Army, my last day in the Army, anniversaries, birthdays (getting harder now that I rely on Facebook reminders), etc. All are easy to remember. I can just never tell you what today’s date is.
5. Left turns are easy; right turns not so much.
I don’t know how to explain it — I’ve never had a problem making left turns, but right turns are…weird. They don’t feel as natural. Whether I’m on a bicycle, rollerblades (back when I did that; do people still rollerblade?), skateboard, car, or whatever, it doesn’t matter. Ask me to attack a left-hand corner, and I’ll go wide, cut across the apex and come out wide, no problem, never even touch the brakes, leaned in, grinning like an idiot. Right turn? Slow down, motherfuckers, slow down! Stay upright, lean less, clunky more. I don’t know why this is.

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